a shiny gem

UPDATE, 5:11 pm:

My husband just missed his second flight. He was supposed to arrive in Boston at 6:30 and now it will be more like a quarter to 8. I'm pretty upset at the whole deal, very tired from this long day and weary in general.

No new word on Stellan. And it's dark out.

UPDATE, 4:19 pm:

We just heard up from where Stellan is again. They have not ablated yet. Apparently it's been complicated.

I do know that they were able to get some access into Stellan. Right now they are still "mapping" his heart. They are using some special, custom made "tools" to do that. Dr. A wants to be very precisely sure he is in the exact right spot before he tries ablating. He is going to ablate with radio frequency. It basically "burns" the area it is in contact with and the surrounding tissue, too. But that step has not happened yet, I know.

I'll keep you posted. I'm doing okay. I did take a break and rest on the chair holding Stellan's blue blanket over my head. I just needed to decompress in a different way. It was good, but being alone with my thoughts was not as relaxing as I'd hoped, so I got up and started drinking chocolate milk. But no matter what I do, my babe is not off my mind. I love you Stellan!!

And I am so not Facebook savvy, so I only just now realized that a bunch of people who are have been tagging (um, or something) photos with my name that they are taking today in support of Stellan. Wow. What a sweet surprise!

UPDATE, 2:49 pm:

Just when we were told to not hear any update again, we heard one.

It's includes a praise!

Stellan is off all his heart meds now...his anti arrhythmics and beta blockers he was on since yesterday to try to stop his SVT. He was supposed to be off all of those for two days before his ablation. Then, they were going to turn them off two hours before. That didn't happen.

But, they did just turn them off a short bit ago and the great news is that Stellan's blood pressure, while still low, is holding its own!! Yippee!!

He is still in SVT, although that is hardly a surprise.

UPDATE, 2:25 pm (Boston time):

We just got our first call up from the cath lab with a report on how things are going with Stellan.

For whatever reason, they were not able to get access in Stellan's right groin as they had hoped. They tried very long and hard. They've abandoned that at this point and are going to have to use his left side only. But he has a central venous line there, so it sounds like they are having to finagle a few things around, move that line, etc., so that they can gain access for one of the catheters in Stellan's left groin. Let's pray that they are able to get the access they need there. No word on if they have been able to get the catheters they need in his neck yet.

So, the ablation itself has not begun. They are still working on getting the lines they need into Stellan so they can get their equipment in and begin.

ORIGINAL POST:

After a morning of instability, dreadfully low blood pressures and SVT that was taking a huge toll on Stellan, Dr. A decided even though Stellan wasn't super stable, it was time to bring him down for his ablation.

So this is our shiny gem's big day.



Stellan got some blood transfusions, lots of snuggles from Mama, many pushes of Albumin, head caresses, more meds than I can remember, a catheter, rectal thermometer, two ART lines, lullabies sung by me and lots of attention from the doctors and nurses in the CICU.

At some point this morning, while the team was working to get Stellan out of SVT, right before my very eyes, Stellan's line went flat. His heart essentially stopped and he was asystolic for about four or five screens. I could hardly describe here how it felt to see that. I was frozen, numb, and sick at once. I vomited, stayed by Stellan's side, and watched as the team got Stellan's heart started again. It was terrifying. I just remember thinking to myself, "Am I watching Stellan die?"



Stellan did not die. His is our shiny gem and we are so thankful he is still here with us.

Stellan has used up his reserves, though. His heart and his body are beyond pooped out. His blood pressure is still low and he's is rough shape. These factors make his ablation even more necessary and even more risky. I have been begging God to spare our son, to bring him out of surgery. I don't care if he needs a pacemaker or seven. I just want our baby to live. My husband is on a plane now, heading east. I long to see Stellan in his Daddy's arms.

I feel a peace surrounding us. Yes, it is Stellan's big day. He is a shiny gem. I want so badly to have the faith that he will show 'em all and will emerge brilliant.

And for now, I just wait and see how our shiny gem will do.