October 29, 2008...and beyond

7:19 am

It was still dark and cold out, but Stellan's birth day was about to get into full swing. I clutched my coat to myself as I walked up the sidewalk. Just as I stepped over the threshold of the hospital's front doors, a familiar-looking woman passed in front of me, wearing scrubs and rushing as if she'd just received an important page. She didn't see me, but I saw her. I paused to try to figure out who she was. Not but a few moments later did I make the connection: She was Dr. F., the very same perinatologist who had held me in her arms in my hospital room on the 6th floor in July, telling me that she was so very sorry, but that our son would not survive his illness and that he was going to be still born.

Dr. F. rushed past me at 7:19 am yesterday, full of life. She had been filling in for another doctor that day back in July and has not really been on our case since then. I wondered if she even knew. I looked down and patted my stomach, feeling Stellan do a morning jig inside me. Things had come full circle. Early yesterday morning, I entered this very same hospital where our son had been given a death sentence, in order to give birth to him months later. I returned with a belly full of life, promise, and answered prayer. Who would ever have guessed?

Except, you know, God.

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8:34 am

Prepping for my Cesarean Section was a whirlwind. Pokes and prods. Looks and listens. Questions and answers. In the midst of it all, my sister and my husband were both by my side and we ventured into the morning together. We relaxed and chatted; we admired my husband in his blue scrubs. Blue scrub man surprised the daylights out of me with a slew of birth day gifts, too! Gift certificates for a swanky, downtown salon and spa, plus an overnight stay for two at the Marriott. Wow, and all I had to do was give birth to our son! What a deal. You know I love you, Honey!!

Speaking of deals, how crazy is this deal: The adorable, young nurse who was prepping me saw my computer open and caught a glimpse of the "Praying for MckMama" button on my own sidebar. "Oh!" She said, leaning over so she could point to the button. "Have you ever read that girl's blog!? I recently found her through Bring the Rain. I think her name is MckMama and her blog is so amazing."

There is no way to explain the look on her face when I said, "Yeah, um, actually, that's me."

And then she proceeded to finish prepping me for surgery, getting me all shaved in the appropriate places. And I thought running into someone at Taco Bell who recognized me from my blog was embarrassing enough.

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9:38 am

It was birth time.

Because I tend to have blood pressure problems during surgery, a viscous substance was given to me in my iv beforehand to pump up my blood and--hopefully--prevent my blood from pooling and not leaving enough for my head! Iv, antibiotics, a hairnet for my head...the whole nine yards and we were ready to go. Not before the sweet anesthesiologist had a very hard time getting my spinal in, though. I was anxious for sure. He poked and prodded and tried but could not jab it through! Pretend that you are on the beach. Yeah, that didn't work for me so much. He ended up numbing me higher up and putting my spinal in there, so I had a very high block. Which was nice, pain wise, but made it feel like I couldn't breathe deeply since the lower parts of my lungs were numb.

Oh, but it was a walk in the park once they let Prince Charming into the operating room. Like the steady, calm presence he is, he held my hand and face with his warm, strong hands. He kept me so calm and peaceful that it seemed as if no time at all had passed before I heard voices from the other side of the blue curtain that hung at my midsection say, "Well, here's his head!"

Simultaneously teary eyed, Stellan's parents' grip on each other's hands got tighter as we watched the NICU team carry our bellowing baby into the other room. Once we got word that he'd scored a 9 for his first APGAR, followed by another 9 for his second, Prince Charming was at his son's side.

"We can't find anything wrong with his heart at all!" After a barrage of tests, Stellan's heart has proved to look like nothing but a perfectly healthy newborn heart. "I would never have known anything was wrong with him!" The head NICU nurse who attended Stellan's delivery couldn't stop talking about how glad she was to have come to a birth where she ended up not being needed!!!

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10:24 am

As Dr. N, the perinatologist who did my Cesarean Section, was finishing up my surgery, she could not contain herself about what a good "healer" I am. "Honestly, you have no scarring. I would almost not have even known you'd had one section before, much less two!!"

With that being said, she also gave us her feelings about the state of my uterus. Advising us to not birth another baby for at least two years from that day, she did triple stitch my uterus, "just in case." The cyst on my ovary stayed put; it was utterly simple, not cancerous at all, and Dr. N. feels that it will most certainly dissipate after my pregnancy hormones quit raging.

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11:00 am

I had virtually no complications with my surgery or recovery. There was the issue of a bit of low blood pressure, but things came back to normal quickly as I recovered. Shaking with anticipation, about an hour after his birth, I finally got to head up to the Special Care nursery with Prince Charming to see our baby.

Stellan didn't need the NICU and, to be honest, the Special Care nursery was just a precaution. His EKG's were perfect, but he was having a little grunting and retracting, so he stayed put up there so the nurses could keep a close eye on his breathing. He nursed like a champion right from the get-go.

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7:00 pm

Four of my best girlfriends visited me throughout the day and were even kind enough to tell swollen old me that I looked great. Must be the stylish hospital gowns that Elena made for me months ago and that I'm finally getting to put to good use. I was wearing the black and white one with a pink sash, if you must know.

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8:45 pm

Having kept ice chips and water and juice down all day without a hint of nausea, I was allowed to eat dinner! It was no Asian Chicken Stir Fry, but the buttered toast and vegetable soup were delicious. Not to mention the generous swigs of cranberry juice cocktail.

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1:09 am

Officially exhausted, but with my spirits still high, I exited my hospital bed again to get wheeled up to feed Stellan. My body was weary but my mind was sharp and I wanted another snuggle with my baby boy so badly!! Having been cut in two earlier in the day did not make for an easy night for me, getting out of bed and into a wheelchair every two hours. But getting to breastfeed your miracle son in the twilight? Totally worth it.

Stellan looks just like his 3D ultrasounds! I suppose that makes sense, of course, but it's so crazy! He is gorgeous and doesn't have even a hint of a mullet. His brown hair is evenly distributed over his perfectly tiny head and evidence of the strong right-sided cowlick that our other boys have could already be seen on our new one's head.

And, does he have a cleft chin like Nuggey? You'll find out in a minute...And Nuggey himself will see his new baby soon, too! All of our MSC are coming this afternoon (Thursday) to see us for the first time!!!! What an amazing reunion of sorts that will be. I can hardly wait!!

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4:13 am

Completely drugged up yet unable to sleep at all, I decided at 4:13 this morning to at least officially declare a catheter to be the best medical invention ever. Being able to drink to my heart's content yet not have to get up to the toilet!? Priceless.

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...and beyond

The rest of the morning today has been peaceful. I am feeling, physically, quite good and, emotionally, even better. Integrated Therapy came and I got a back and neck massage right here in my 6th floor room. The scrambled eggs for breakfast were almost as good as the ones I make.

We are waiting for word about Stellan being able to be discharged from the Special Care nursery soon! He may be rooming in with me soon enough! We just learned that Stellan has been given the go-ahead to check out of the high-risk nursery and come downstairs and be my roommate!!!

And what a roommate he'll be. But how on earth will I ever get any sleep with this gorgeous face staring back at me!?



Oh, I just can't get enough of him. And I have not been able to stop praising God with my lips and with my heart, either. He is so good! He gives and He takes away. He holds the whole world in His hands. He is worthy of praise. And He can be trusted.

Stellan will live!!!!!